Set the world in motion

Gotta love Cards Against Humanity

Is it me, or does Laurel Lance in the second season of Arrow look like a trophy wife? Dyed hair, low cut tops, too much make up… Ick.

C’mon, DInah! You’re way cooler than that!

Drilling dubstep

So I had to get a couple cavities filled yesterday. When the dentist started drilling my teeth, I heard something familiar: dubstep.

Now I get where it comes from.

Compress To Impress

(I’m practicing chest compressions on a dummy. When you do them right, the dummy is supposed to make a click.)

Me: *does chest compression*

(No click.)

Instructor: “You have to do them more firmly! Harder!”

(I try, but no click.)

Instructor: “In real life a few broken ribs don’t matter; this is a life you’re trying to save! Now, do it harder. Don’t be afraid!”

(I use all my might, and the dummy’s head flies off.)

Instructor: “Not that hard!”

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(Source: notalwayslearning.com)

South Of The Border Of Unreason

(I work at a company that works on providing phone-based tech support to other US-based telephone companies.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Oh, hello. My name is [Name]. I have a box from [Provider] that I want removed from my lawn. It’s been sitting there for two days.”

Me: “Well, sir, you should have picked it up, since once the equipment arrives to your home it becomes your responsibility, and you must ship it back.”

Caller: “You don’t understand. I want you to send somebody from [Provider] to pick up that box for me.”

Me: “Sir, I can send you over someone to pick it up, but that’s going to cost you $75 USD.”

Caller: “No. I want it picked up for free. I don’t want that box.”

Me: “Then you must pick it up yourself and send it back to [Provider] via UPS or postal service, or drop it off with a sales representative at a [Provider] store.”

Caller: “I don’t want to do it. I want you to pick it up for me and take it away. For free. Don’t you understand? Am I calling to India or something like that?”

Me: “You are speaking to Tijuana, Mexico, and I do understand you, sir. However, we cannot send anyone to pick up the box, since it’s your responsibility to do so.”

Caller: “You must speak Spanish. Bring someone over to the phone who can understand English.”

Me: “I do understand you, sir. But that doesn’t change that you must still bring that box yourself or you will be charged for not returning the equipment.”

Caller: “No, you are speaking Spanish. Bring me someone who can speak English.”

Me: “Sir, we’re speaking in English.”

Caller: “I doubt it.”

Me: “Well, believe it. We’re speaking in English.”

Caller: “I refuse to speak with you. Bring me someone who can speak English. Bring me your f****** supervisor.”

(My supervisor in this moment was away on a meeting, and the only supervisor available that day was already taking a call.)

Me: “Sir, my supervisor will tell you the same.”

Caller: “Then f****** bring me your supervisor’s boss.”

Me: “Even if I take it to God himself, he’ll still tell you that you must grab that box and ship it back via postal service. And this is your first warning, sir. If you keep talking that way, I will be forced to terminate this call.”

Caller: “Bring me your f****** supervisor. I refuse to speak with you, f****** wetback.”

(Our company has a policy of reserving the right to withdraw from this kind of calls if the customer comes up with these kinds of tantrums.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider tech support]. We apologize that your problem will go unresolved. Do not bother calling back. Have a nice day.” *click*

(When I later check the records, I found out that this customer had already called four times for the same reason!)

Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysRight.com!:

(Source: notalwaysright.com)